i will not be moved

2007-01-08T13:29:00.000-08:00

SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT

i did not die. or run away. or move to catmanzu. i turned off my internet. OH, THE HORROR! THE ABSOLUTE HORROR!! oh, please.....

i sure have missed all the quirky blogs, though. and i still hate xanga (some things never change... ;) ). and i still haven't looked at my-space. but i know i'll enjoy catching up on what has been happening. any good ones i should check out first?

2006-07-06T18:46:00.000-07:00

THE FUNK

well, i've had a wonderful month. but today i seem to have entered into a funk. i don't really know why. i just feel very blah. maybe it's just post climatic depression. camp was probably the best we've ever had. and my birthday and anniversary were quite enjoyable. of course, there has been a bit of drama too. some people just seem to live for it. at school, at work, at church, it seems to be everywhere. well, that is just life.
i have many things to be happy about. i still talk to nastya regularly. i'm almost done with school. i am settling into my new job. and our ministry is going well. summer has been good so far. my relationships are pretty healthy. i am walking closer to God. all in all a good thing.
five things on my mind lately:
1. dogs
2. books to read
3. healthy choices
4. my mom
5. my cruise

2006-05-24T06:37:00.000-07:00

REFLECTIONS

i recently heard someone say " when you are hurt, what is on the inside comes out." they were referring to blood, but also making a point about how we react to certain things. i have found this to be all too true. i have found out what is inside me. can i quote a song? "i carry pride like a disease." a humble thought. this is NOT the person i want to be. this defensive, emotional retaliator. i want to be forgiving, which also became an issue in this light. man, i feel like the wretched man that i am today. i do the things i don't want to, and neglect the things i want to do( to paraphrase). God, i repent.............

2006-05-18T08:48:00.000-07:00

LOOKING BACK

i had an interesting conversation with larry today. we were talking about being picked on in school and being the outcast. i experienced this in junior high. there were two girls in my neighborhood who were absolute bullies. they made riding the bus hell. by the time i hit high school i was hanging out with a different crowd. my best friend was a biker who had beaten the crap out of a few people publicly. so i was never bothered due to the fact that i hung out with her. but larry and i were talking about popular kids who took the time to recognize us as human. for me it was nick picalo and his cousin john wagner. they both always spoke nice to me. and it made a difference. i wish i could see them today and just say thanks for not being a jerk to me. you were liked by everyone and i was not. man, benevolence is wonderful.

then we began talking about old crushes and old flings and flames and psycho ex's. i didn't date as much as larry, who is a reformed dog. but i had a few 'winners'. and there was the crush i had for like 7 years. matt hoppe. boy, i thought he was just the shizzle. he is the reason i had grown my hair out since junior high. one day he said" your hair is getting long." like out of the blue. it thrilled me so much that i grew it waist length . but then i ran into larry my junior year in high school. matt just didn't look as good anymore. neither did any of the other guys i thought were cute. i was totally smitten.

looking back is good. you realize you made the right choice. and you learn from your mistakes. and you think of old friends and good times. i like that.....

2006-05-17T07:57:00.000-07:00

FITS AND GIGGLES

i think i've had way too much coffee today. i have a job interview in 2.5 hours and i am a wreck. i feel like i should be doing something important to prepare but here i sit blogging.

the countdown has begun for my graduation. i have approximately( and i say this for things out of my control, like the fact that there is no school today due to in-house training)9 weeks. i can't wait. i hate being there. the girls are mostly o.k. , but i have a few i could live without. and this is the case anywhere you go. but it is the constant changing of rules that bugs me. and the attitude. they don't really care and it shows. i hate fake praise! and this happens. just tell me the truth, that you can't wait till we graduate because you don't like us, you just want our money. i can handle honesty(better).

i have been feeling differently about my relationships. i want them to be more honest. and i want to be more myself. i'm not real sure exactly who i am but i want to be ok with that too. i am forgiving myself daily for being less than i think i should be. so i have been looking hard at myself and thinking about where i stand on certain important issues. such as, do i really like blues or funk more? why do i prefer ethnicity over white for companionship? and if this is so, how did i marry a white boy? well, that last isn't too hard to answer, because he is HOT, and i like him. ha! i got the biggest kick out of him totally abusing his pulpit by giving me a major shout out last sunday. i can't lie, i felt special, and loved and wanted. that is a great feeling!

so, pray for me, guys. and i believe God has my best interest at heart and i trust Him more and more. and that is a great feeling too!!

2006-05-10T19:56:00.000-07:00

MONEY IS NO OBJECT (OF DESIRE)

i hate trying to budget and figure out money stuff. interest rates, finance charges, good loans, bad credit.... if you ask me money is evil, not just the love of it! i think people who CHOOSE to work with money, like accountants and such, have a chemical imbalance. yeah, give me teenagers with all their angst and raging hormones and rebellion against authority any day!!!! piece of cake. just don't put me in charge of fundraising.

2006-05-09T19:26:00.000-07:00

TRUE LOVE

5 things i hate to love

1. shopping(i feel like such a girl admitting this)
2. chocolate(it is fattening and yummy all at once)
3. loads of attention
4. anything mainstream
5. housework

5 things i love to hate

1. a bully(although i can be one)
2. female cycles
3. dirty old men
4. gas stations(because they are usually full of dirty old men)
5. PEOPLE WITH COLDS OR ALLERGIES AT CONFERENCES WHO WON'T GO BLOW THEIR NOSE!!!!

5 secret pleasures

1. picking crusty boogers out
2. sleeping in the buff
3. watching bad children get whipped(and trying not to smile)
4. playing hooky from school and watching three hours of TNG on spike network
5. smelling people's hair when i hug them

5 secrets

1. i hate being the center of attention in a large crowd
2. i love when my husband talks about me from the pulpit
3. i'm wishy washy inside
4. i'm lazy
5. i like to trade insults with certain people who also like to do this ,in a friendly manner and setting(you know who you are, jerkface)

well, i feel good having got that off my chest(which i dislike...) therapy anyone???

2006-05-08T19:06:00.000-07:00

WHERE HAVE ALL THE FLOWERS GONE?

it feels good to feel. it has been awhile since i have allowed myself to really feel life. the happiness of simple things, the pain of less than absolute tragedy, the joy of everything. i have begun to realize that if i am not open to my own emotions i am just standing outside the fire. and true i won't be burned but i will never be passionate. that sucks. i'd rather have smoldering passion that burns me to ash than to live a lifetime and sit in a retirement home and wonder what it was i did with my life.

i want to be me, unapologetically. wisdom is the thing i long for the most, but fear of failure has held me captive. no room for sentimentality, only brusque interaction. i have to say, THIS SUCKS!!! i am SO over this mess.

5 things that make me happy

1. talking to my russian friend, nastya
2. pastor jim's sunday morning sermons
3. all the crazy things my kids say
4. new shoes
5. larry smiling at me

5 things that make me not so happy

1. when i get whine-y, and realize it
2. haters
3. bad drivers
4. debt
5. being lonely

i'll be 33 soon. i think it's about time i really get to know myself.

2006-04-20T13:56:00.000-07:00

IT'S ALIVE!!

well, in case you have wondered i have not perished. i have been rather busy. i went to tulsa with the hubby and crew. it was fabulous. i have finished with all my testings at school. i have a gpa of 96, which qualifies me for a special certificate and dean's list. whew! i'm just glad it is over. i just have to show up each day until i clock in the last hours and i am done!!!

i am getting to have some of our friends from russia over for dinner tomorrow. i consider it a great honor. i will be preparing a typical hillbillie meal, chicken and noodles,smashed potatoes, corn, green beans, iced tea, and apple pie ala mode. all from scratch, except the ice cream. i have invited my friend beth as well. she will be making her fabulous chocolate chip cheese ball. yum!! i'm not sure what we will do for entertainment. i guess relaxing will be in there somewhere. so, yay!

i have been in constant contact with my buddy from russia, nastya. which is the russian shortened version of anastasia. she is a peach. i really enjoy our e-mails. she has the same sense of humor as me. and she is a godly woman. yes,sir. and she is very cute. i would like to hook her up with our james mccauly. he would be a good match to her. high quality to match her excellence. yep. so, james, if you are interested in seeing some photos, just let me know. ha ha ha ha!!

i also have to give some kudos to a few peeps. first to josh scott. i very much enjoyed reading about his marathon. it was very much after the fact but still... i thought that it was quite inspiring. why live life only to say at the end " i wish i had done more things."? i totally support anyone who tries new things and tries to continue growing. bravo!josh! second, to josh ratcliffe and his hottie wife sabrina. the church is wonderful and their hospitality was great. i felt welcome. and i miss you all very much. i'm glad we still see you guys from time to time. and lastly to our staff at ae. there is no other staff out there willing to work so hard and give so much. they are creative and relevant(gotta love that word...). i am blessed to have them along side us. love the new logo. you guys are top notch!!

well, that is the long and short of it. i am developing a new invention that i will reveal later. peace!!

2006-03-21T08:58:00.000-08:00

TAG, I'M IT?

James tagged me for the four. I don't think this is new news to anyone but here goes...

4 JOBS I'VE HAD
1. Taco Bell
2.Walmart (in Maine)
3.CNC machinist
4.waitress at Lone Star

4MOVIES I COULD WATCH OVER & OVER
1.Grease
2.The color purple
3.Braveheart
4.A knight's tale

4PLACES I'VE LIVED
1. Springfield, Ohio
2.East Sullivan, Maine
3.Winter Harbor, Maine
4.Springfield, Ohio

4TV SHOWS I LOVE
1.Star Trek TNG
2.Rachel Rae's forty dollar show
3.Good Eats
4.CSI

4PLACES I'VE TRAVELED TO
1.Canada
2.Phoenix,Arizona
3.Tulsa, Oklahoma
4.Sosnovy Bor, Russia

4FAVORITE DISHES
1.hot wings
2.chili rellenos
3.my fried chicken
4.sushi!!!!!

4SITES I VISIT DAILY
1. Larry's blog
2.Josh R.'s blog
3.my email
4.Steven Holly's blog(who desperately needs to update)

4PLACES I'D RATHER BE
1.traveling with hubby
2.shopping with Bethie
3.Russia
4.amusement park with my kids

4BLOGGERS TO TAG
1.Staven Howard
2.Sabrina R.
3.Beth
4.Andy 'the fabulous 'Aldana

2006-03-16T19:11:00.000-08:00

MR. FIX-IT

i had to laugh after reading the comments on my last blog. all the men tried to "fix" my dilema. ha! this is what is wrong in so many relationships. just ask larry, he knows better. and he could probably quote me on this.
*ahem*
we don't want you to fix the problem. we just want you to listen and sympathize.even if we are DEAD wrong about something, we want you to give your very best "UH!!" and agree with us. "of course you have a right to be mad, honey. i can't believe this!" that's all. how hard is that? good question. i'm convinced this ability men have to fix things is more instinct than learned skill. since the dawn of mankind they have been embedded with an extra set of genes that woman doesn't have.i think it is called the duct tape gene.
and later, let me repeat, LATER when we are more rational you could tell us gently to see things from a different point of view. because we are not rational most of the time. i believe we are equipped with an extra set of genes too. ones that make us unstable emotionally.i think it is called p.m.s. and do you know why they call it p.m.s.? because mad cow disease was already taken.
o.k. thanks for listening.

2006-03-07T20:08:00.000-08:00

GIMME A (COMMERCIAL) BREAK!...

well here's another pet peeve of mine. how do all the radio stations manage to play their 15 minutes of commercials all at the same time? this infuriates me! out of the 13 stations i have programed into my radio usually 10 will have this at the same time. the other three will have songs that are lame. like i would have to shut it off, that's how bad it gets. and i think " by the time i get to where i'm going, they will be done, but too late." i hate it. they are communists. secretly hooked together to make our lives miserable with their never-ending marketing.

here, buy this.
here, you need this.
here, get this or DIE!!!

and what about the same old jingles we have been listening to for 10 years?! it is sad that i can sing the bill goodman gun and knife show song in my sleep. car salesmen are just as obnoxious over the air as they are in real life. at least they aren't advertising feminine products on the radio!!!

you know what we need? ( get ready, the goverment is about to erase my memory, so i need to type real fast) we need tivo for the radio. of course it would be highly expensive and inconvenient to operate at 70 mph. but, hey, if i can eat, talk on my cell, and put on make-up, all while screaming at other drivers , what's one more thing??!!

well, there you have it. another brilliant idea from the far reaches of my brain. it is hard being a multi-tasking genious, but, hey, that's what me, myself, and i do!

2006-02-19T20:41:00.000-08:00

FOOD FOR THOUGHT.....

yay for buffets!! i like going to buffets. sometimes i just don't know what i want, but the buffet is sure to have something to hit the spot. also, (and this is kinda mean) but there are usually REALLY big people at buffets, and it makes me feel skinny when i see them.

(yes, this is a new paragraph, don't pass out...) the last time we went to one i was watching people eat and it occured to me that something wasn't right. we all had double chins. now to the casual observation, the response was DUH. but i submit to you an odd thought that crossed my mind. if we eat so much (and some were on their third plate) and we have to chew all that food, wouldn't we have chins of steele? i mean, really, our necks should be buff and well defined. it takes alot of muscle and time to eat that fourth rally burger. i realize that twinkies are way softer, but it would all level out.

so, i thought ," self."
"yes?"
"wouldn't it be funny to edit a picture and make someone like chris farley have arnold's neck? like when he was back in his competition days. and during a pose when all his veins and muscle and sinew were popping out on his neck."
" you know, i think that would be funny..."

good visual there. hmmm.... would that mean that someday computer geeks would develope one massive arm from using a mouse and one shriveled up arm? or maybe all you gamers will have giant thumbs and puny fingers? any others?

2006-02-14T18:27:00.000-08:00

DON'T BRING ME DOWN.......

mean people suck. i can't tolerate a bully. and now, i have found the worst, most critical, judgemental, unforgiving, cruel, tyrannical group of them all. BLOGGERS.

that's right, dear reader, i am speaking of you. you ask for updates and laugh at my jokes, and in the same breath critcize the manner in which i provide it.

" i hate blogs that don't have paragraphs."

" why don't you use capitalization?"

" you need to update so we can read you inner thoughts, laugh at your bare exposed heart, and then thoroughly trash your character and disect your intellect with the precision of a surgeon."

"your spelling is off, and you use poor grammar."

guess what? I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ARSE!!!!! man, if sound could travel through blog comment sections i'm sure i could here the same sound from all of you. a kind of whining , sniveling cry-baby dribble.

i write this blog solely to amuse myself. i am my best audience. i crack myself up. when i read my stuff, i say to myself, " self, you are the funniest, smartest person i know." and i have to say, i agree with myself. HA!

so you know what? if you are looking for intellectual debate, or emo angst, or maybe even the truth, i submit to you that YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH. that is why you are reading blogs in the first place, to escape reality. so shut up, crack open another red bull or whatever your dank is and hit next blog. because i am so over this post.......

*disclaimer* this was purely tongue-in-cheek. please don't be offended and burn my house down in the middle of the night. can't we all...just get along?....

2006-01-25T19:32:00.000-08:00

ME, ME, ME, ME, ME-E-E-E-E!!!!

i just don't feel like myself lately. i can't think of any funny stories or new inventions. i wonder what could be causing it. vitamin deficiency? lack of sleep? a tumor?! or some weird alien plot to suck the life out of us at a rate that is almost imperceptable until it's too late? maybe it's a government conspiracy. like they have been talking about the whole spying stuff. yeah, they've been doing it to me for awhile. they are stealing all my ideas. and then they erase my memory using ordinary drinking water and oxygen. so everytime i drink and breathe i am losing brain cells. no wonder i feel so blah lately!! i must have been coming up with some really boss stuff!! wow. i really am a genius.....
now all i need to do is find a way to regain my memory. hmmm... maybe i can reverse it by forcing myself to vomit and breathe backwards. it could work.or not. or maybe i could find a way to block the government from..........................

huh?....what was i just doing?....oh....ummm.........so, yeah....i gotta go. i'm thirsty and i feel an overwhelming urge to take centrum.

2006-01-23T18:31:00.000-08:00

JERK FACE!!

i hate these little links i see on other people's blogs that trick you. i am not amused. i like to get what i paid for (so to speak). i found this little number today (pun intended) . a little teaser for the brain. i scored 26/33. give it a try.

2006-01-19T20:59:00.000-08:00

I WIN

we all have stories to tell. i have many humorous stories. some are about me. some i've just heard. when we share our stories, it's almost like a competition. you listen to the other person's story. then you think " what has happened to me that is similar? or funnier?" so i will now share a story and we will play a story-telling version of 'bigger or better'.
i once called myself on accident, left a voice mail, then hung up and laughed at how stupid i can be. then i picked up the phone to call who i really wanted to call and said" oh, someone just called. there's a voice mail." and CHECKED the voice mail before i realized ...DUH it was me.
so, let's hear yours........

2006-01-17T19:04:00.000-08:00

AND THE ANSWER IS.....

*disclaimer*
this isn't going to be a regular post. if you come to my blog for a quick giggle, than turn back now. this is deadly serious business i'm about to conduct. you have been warned.

i have been hearing alot of theological debate lately. more than i care to. there have been many questions asked. some good. some rediculous. does it really concern anyone to know if God can create a rock bigger than He can lift? here is my question to those of you so anxious to enlighten the rest of us- what answer will satisfy you? in all the conversations i've been a part of, the only answer you will accept is your own theory. so, you are right. o.k. i have no problem with learning something new. but at what cost? do you feel better after arguing me down when i offer a simple reply that isn't deep enough? do you think it edifies me to know you are impling that i am shallow because i have child-like faith? did God tell you to question me thoroughly on my knowledge of the word? because the last time i spoke with Him, He didn't mention my 'lack'. He told me that He loves me. and He is as well aware of my failings as i am. and He has agreed to meet me on my level.
memorizing words from a book doesn't give you wisdom. the Holy Spirit reveals the mystery of God's Word as He sees fit. you can't earn it. you can study it, but it is dry language. the Spirit gives it color and complexity and LIFE when He opens our eyes and minds. i don't believe an atheist studying the bible to find discrepencies will ever understand the true meaning of it. God makes it simple to those who love Him. but it is hidden from those who seek to cheapen it by using it as a weapon against His children. and since we don't decide what the Spirit reveals to another man, how can we smirk at him and say " you should know the answers to all these questions. to be ready to give an answer to those who ask." let me enlighten you- those type of people who ask those questions are NOT seeking to know God better through time spent in His Word ,lovingly seeking to know their Creator through as much intimate time together as possible. they are seeking to be 'right'. even though they are wrong. but, you know what, i have an answer to offer to them anyway. and the answer is.....love. i offer this answer to you as well.yeah, i love you. you manage to hurt others' feelings with your 'admonishing', but i still offer the answer of love. why? because i love the Lord more than i love you. and He loves you more than i.
can i struggle with sin and still go to heaven? yes. why? love. am i imperfect and ignorant on alot of things? yes. can God still use me? yes. love never fails. my intelligence may not be a match for yours, but i still got love. love covers a multitude of sins. it compells us, just as it compelled God when He created us, when He sent His only son as a payment for our sin. did adam and eve have belly buttons? i really don't know. is that kind of stuff fun to think about. sure. i'm intersted in everything God has done. He is infintely complex and fascinating. a puzzle never fully finished. a mystery that is never solved. a job not complete. He will keep our attention forever! His beauty is indiscribable. His mercy endures. His grace is sufficient. He is the author and finsher of our faith. He is also our judge. no man should attempt to push Him off the throne and do that job for Him.
do you know more scipture than i? if you do, would you do me a favor? pray for me that i would not get discouraged in my studies. pray that my desire for the Lord would not wane. pray that God will extend His mercy and i would grow in faith, understanding, compassion, and wisdom. but most of all, pray that i would get a better understanding of love and be able to be a doer of that Word and not just a hearer.

2006-01-14T20:14:00.000-08:00

WHAT'S YOUR FEAR?

after my little fall in st. petersburg i decided to look up phobias. i had noticed that i use escalators with extreme caution now. so i found out that i have developed bathmophobia, or fear of stairs. there are so many other phobias out there.here are just a few of the funnier ones...

hobophobia-fear of bums
didaskaleinophobia- fear of going to school
apotemnophobia-fear of persons with with amputations
arachibutyrophobia-fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth
coulrophobia-fear of clowns( i know several people who have this)
hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia-fear of long words(hmmm.....)
antidaeophobia-fear that somhow, somewhere a duck is watching you

well, i guess we are all scared of something. but my goodness! we are a group of cowards. there is even a phobiaphobia. you guessed it, fear of phobias.geesh!!the bible says that cowards shall have their place in the lake of fire. then i guess all the people who have hadesphobia will finally be justified(ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!).sick. just sick.i'm sorry.....
so what's your fear?

2006-01-14T11:22:00.000-08:00

YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT?

i'm sure somewhere out there is a study or profile on the type of cereal people eat. something that can guess your personality based on your cereal preference. my buddy steven suggested i write about cereal. so this is what i thought of. i like cereal with fruits and nuts. no sugary stuff for me. although i once ate all the marshmallows in my brother's box of lucky charms while he slept just to get back at him. bleck!!
when i think of my cereal of choice, i think maybe someone who is serious and no nonsense would like this kind of cereal. but i'm not like that at all.i LOVE goofiness. when i meet someone ,i automatically score them based on their sense of humor. and the ones who get 100's are the ones i tend to hang around the most. pretty much all of our staff, beth, the joshes, joel, sabrina, nikki, karen, staven, steven h., dennis, our youth, my kids. they are all high scores.and this andy character. wow. and to make matters more crazy is the fact that he's hanging out with bobby. bobby is in a class all by himself. yes, but the award goes to my brother jeremiah. he is truly the funniest, most warped, brilliant person i have ever laughed at. and his breakfast cereal of choice....lucky charms! (although he prefers it WITH the marshmallows)

2006-01-10T18:23:00.000-08:00

I GOT NOTHIN'

i desperately want to write something humorous. but i have a strange case of writers block. i think of funny stuff through each day. but nothing survives till evening. maybe it is the beginning of that disease that makes you forget stuff, but the name of which i can't remember.....
so, i am alive. i just got nothin'.

2005-12-23T20:28:00.000-08:00

SILLINESS RUN AMUCK

i never cease to be amused by all the random crap i find on the internet. i realize there are..ahem...other things that require our consideration. and yet i am drawn to crazy
business like this. i can't quite get that catchy phrase out of my mind. i have been singing under my breath all day. and could it be christmas carols like the other people at the store? no. it's "ninjas in the night...". who here is surprised?!

2005-12-21T19:49:00.000-08:00

CHICKEN.........FRIES....?

so, i finally tried these chicken fries at burger king. wow. who knew that chicken could be processed in so many yummy ways. just when i thought chicken couldn't take on any more new shapes, burger king just swoops in and blows my mind. yes they truly are the king. the king of reformed meat pieces. all hail technology!!
we had our annual ae christmas party the other night. i have to say, it was quite enjoyable. i let out my inner 'baby girl' . it was awesome! i think i'll let her out again soon. we was rollin'!! the gifts were very funny this year. except that box of tampons that mysteriously ended up all over my car. trust, i will find out who the true culprit is. the bible says you can be sure your sin will find you out!!
well, no well thought out nonsense tonight. just a quick up date before all the madness begins. stay tuned.......

2005-12-18T12:53:00.000-08:00

HUH?!

nudge, nudge, nudge. " larry?" 3 a.m. " what?" "......i don't want to be the fake jennifer. i want to be the real one......" "........., o.k." " zzzzzzzzz.........." yeah i don't know what i was dreaming about last night but i wish i could remember, i bet it was great!

2005-12-16T20:42:00.000-08:00

LIFE'S LITTLE PLEASURES

there are some things that i just love! parties with snacks, gift exchanges, compliments. hey this party had it all!! i went to the brittons house for our annual staff christmas party. we had yummy snacks. dawn AND terri were there, woot! so you know the food was rockin'. we played a few silly games. and then we had our gift exchange. there were no less than three picture frame gifts and one digital camera. hmm.... i wonder what caused that? and then we played " say something nice about your neighbor". here i was prepared to say things about roger( i end up next to him every year) and he couldn't make it. man, all my hard work wasted!! so i got to speak about terri. it was really cool.she is very much like me, so we have alot in common.
i also enjoyed my day at the shop today. i love the fact that i get to work with my best friend. and staven came in for his weekly cut. he always cracks me up. i'm glad for his and larry's friendship. they are a riot when they get together!!! and i believe they are like iron sharpening iron. and i also had time to do alittle shopping for the kids today. i get a thrill out of shopping even if it isn't for me. hey, i'm a woman!
so, no really funny stories today. just a little reflection on a good day...........

2005-12-14T16:36:00.000-08:00

IT'S JUST WHAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED

well, it's that time of year again. we have two white elephant gift exchanges to go to. my brain seriously goes into overload. i have all these wonderfully warped ideas all year long but right now......(insert cricket chirps here).maddening.
i like doing the actual exchange itself. i love seeing people fighting over gifts. nothing spreads the CHRISTmas spirit like two people rolling on the floor fighting tooth and nail for a tim ogden album.yes!! and somehow we end up with one every year. my favorite was the clock. brilliant!
i have never tried to regift something before but i just might do it this year. hhhmmmmmm......just a little hint. i have something that i created from years ago. needs to be updated though. so, that might be my gift for one of them. which leaves me three more to come up with. no, my math isn't bad. every year i have to help larry as well.sheesh! the things i have to do as a wife....
well, there's no time like the present to get things done. stay tuned.......

2005-12-13T19:16:00.000-08:00

SLOW YOUR ROLL

so to appease the masses i will update. our trip to russia was so wonderful. i refrain from using the most overused word in christainese "incredible" or maybe it is " amazing". i digress...
so many things happened that i could write about. i have tons of stuff just rolling about in my head. it is hard to sort it out.maybe i'll play off my title for the second time and give you....... "THE TELL-TALE KNEE"
we were about to board the plane in st. petersburg to fly home. i was fetching one last item from the gift shop. i saw larry at the top of the escalator waving frantically( he still denies the frantic part) so i run up the up escalator. it was my undoing. i fell. hard. it ripped my jeans open and made two huge punctures in my knee. say it with me.."OUCH!!!". yeah it hurt like a moe foe.and the people won't let me on the plane until the airport doctor looks at it. so i wait for this woman. she doesn't speak a lick of english. she walks up in this white lab coat.( where have i seen this before......? oh, yeah dr. frankenstein...)and she pulls this giant pair of scissors out of her bag and just looks at my leg and looks at me. i look at the scissors and look at her. and i'm thinking, " i think the leg can be saved...." so she speaks to this man who translates for us. she speaks and he just looks at her. i ask" what did she say?" he says," she wants you to take your pants off." " RIGHT HERE!!!!?????" "no. over there." ( ten feet away.) so in the middle of the airport and with everyone from flight 910 to frankfurt as my witness i did it.larry is laughing and telling me she is probably the janitor-slash-doctor. pastor jim is turned away saying "does jennifer have her pants back on yet?" and rachel is just beaming. ahh, yes. thank goodness i was wearing brand new skivvies.
i gave my all during this missions trip. and this is the payment i get? man, i couldn't have asked for a better story to tell. i am now tied to russia forever. my blood is over there. and the pain is all worth it to be able to tell such a funny story.good times.........

2005-11-26T18:48:00.000-08:00

KICKIN' AND SCREAMIN'

i am headed for disaster. i have a major pet peeve that happened to me again today and will likely happen again in the near future.
i just wanted to get my purchases and get going. i try to be considerate of others. polite, helpful, compassionate. o.k. , so i made that last one up.... but still, i'm not rude to people. i find what i came for and i get into line. and suddenly the hair on my neck stands up. more accurately it is being blown up by breath that is not my own. alien breath. foreign breath. breath that i did not create. shudder....
i don't think it is too much to ask to not have someone in my personal space. i move forward a step. they move. i move. they move. at this point i feel the beast within rise. i want to turn with snarling fangs and wild eyes. i want to savagely roar into their face, bits of foam and food spraying out of my mouth. i want to deliver a satisfying side kick to the midsection. leg fully extended, fists of fury cocked into a perfect stance ready to follow suite with a rapid fire attack. ears straining to hear the "uuuuughhhhhhhh....." of breath being forced out of lungs that dared encroach upon my space. yes.....a split second fantasy to soothe the savage beast.
alas, i've never lived it out. i fear i am close though. as i shared my story with as much disgust and outrage that i could muster, larry leaned back in his chair and just smiled. " you know, it's like that on the subway in russia..." i imagine it. horror. horror. horror. i think i'm going to faint.
"larry?"
"yes.."
"we better take bail money......."

2005-11-25T08:25:00.000-08:00

A SHALLOW GRAVE

all these sentimental posts about what people are thankful for have got me thinking. i am about to post the most shallow and petty list known to mankind of things i am thankful for. (ahem...)

1.make-up, yep, that's right. i am honest enough to say it. i NEED make-up. and i'm sure anyone who's seen me without it is grateful for it too.
2.stores that are stocked with everything i could ever want.
3.chocolate-nuff said..
4.freedom of speech, even when i'm wrong
5.salt...i love salt on my food
6.highways, i love driving 75 mph.
7.nature, whether it's water, animals, or fall leaves
8.storms, this deserves its' own mention. i love watching lightening and smelling the rain.
9.sex, well....hey. i said i was honest......
10.humor. i like sillyness in all its' forms and glory. i love to laugh!!!

that's it. i could probably think of more, but i'm trying not to exhaust my brain too much today, after all, it's my day off. and we will leave that comment where it sits thank you very much........

2005-11-23T17:08:00.000-08:00

BLOOD, SWEAT AND TEARS

after years of waiting, i am finally leaving for russia in five days. i am excited and scared poo-less. our team consists of pastor jim, pastor larry(mine husband), me and rachel(a former student). i have a million things running through my head. i have developed a twitch in my lower lip. i think it's due to stress. at any rate, this trip will be well documented in a journal. i hope to have a few things to blog about when i get back. and maybe even some pics.( now don't get your hopes up, i'm pretty tech stupid.) pray for me.....better yet pray for russsia.

2005-11-15T18:49:00.000-08:00

WAITER.....THERE'S A FLY IN MY SOUP

have you ever noticed how small things can be very annoying? flies are a good example of this. i swear they are way more intelligent than we give them credit for. they fly around bugging the crap out of me and as soon as i get up and get the fly swatter....they are no where to be seen! they know what it is!!
gnats are worse. they are too hard to hit with a swatter. too small and they never really land. except in my coffee......
and this brings us to our story tonight. i was trying to get through discipleship, and this gnat kept buzzing in my face. i mean, he was all up in my grill. i was so aggravated! i kept swatting at him but he was using some awesome evasive manuevers. CRIPES! at some point he disappeared. as i was waxing elequant on the fall of man and sin entering creation i found the gnat. he was floating in my coffee.something inside me snapped. the next few moments are kind of fuzzy in my mind, the fury was incredible. i came to holding the cup in my hand. empty. i drank the gnat. rage fully vented. and it was then that i had an epiphony.
yes, i seem to remember the worm in the tequila. "eat the worm. it soaks up all the alcohol. it will give you a buzz..." i never did. but if it works for josea cuervo it can work for me. i have an idea!!!!! i can jump on the band wagon of energy drinks. i can sell little cans of coffee similar to starbucks, but mine would have a little gnat in them. " eat the gnat. it soaks up all the caffiene. it will keep you up all night and give you the energy of 10 four-year-olds." YESSS!! i could even market it to the people of starbucks. " you could call it 'starbzzzucks'." "they already call our product that." " yeah, but, now it will actually contain buzz-zzz--zzzz." "i think you've had enough buzz-zzz-zzz."
man, artists are never appreciated in their own life time.

2005-11-10T20:30:00.000-08:00

5 BILLION AND ONE

where have i been? it has been three weeks since my last confession. i have just been overwhelmed with life. i shall finally fulfill a life long dream of publishing a list of things on my blog....

things i have been doing in the last three weeks:
(ahem!) (...deep breath....)

1. as always, going to school to earn my license as a managing cosmotologist
2. teaching a new class at church on friday nights. it is my life skills class. i teach people how to survive once they leave the nest. we are learning about cooking right now but we will also cover laundry, how to budget, read a bill statement, perform cpr, sew on a button, buy a car, budget time, ect.
3.preparing to leave to go to russia in three weeks
4. beginning my internship at a real salon with my best bud beth
5. forgiving my old best bud jennifer
6. reading up on prophetic ministry
7. wondering about my gifting in dreams
8. studying the word
9. preparing to take our youth group on it's yearly retreat next week
10. looking at a big change in my personal life (about as detailed as i can be right now....no i'm not pregnant.)
11. drawing close to God
12. working on events with larry
13. celebrated both my kids' birthdays- ian 10, eve 5.
14. setting my baby brother up on a date with a girl from my school. a double date with larry and i on this saturday.
15. still on my new eating plan for life(or some crap like that, i've been told not to call it a diet. "it" being MY DIET.)
16. looking at the scale going down 9 pounds and saying "WOOT!WOOT!"
17. squeezing in time to read people's blogs twice a week(steven is one of my favorites. i love funny videos. heck! i love nonsense in general.)
18. working at a job fair in dayton at isus, a school for kids who were asked not to come back to public school. it only made me more sure of my calling for teens.
19. watching people go to pieces around me, and trying to process it
20. thinking " i need to blog"

wow! this concludes my broad cast for the night. good night and good luck.....

2005-10-24T13:50:00.000-07:00

EVERYBODY WANTS YOU

i just got back from a wonderful day of rest. the whole purpose of this day was just to spend time with God and rest. i read a chapter in isaiha and listened to what the Lord had to say to me. it was alot! and i fellowshipped a bit. then i just read a book on prophecy and then napped.
upon first glance you might think is possibly the most boring post i've ever written. but hang in there.
a whole day of no phones, no children needing anything, no person asking to get their hair or nails done, no one wanting my advice, no one wanting me to crack jokes or cheer them up. no one wanted anything from me.
and to boot, God spoke to me about some amazing things. now, i often hear christains using this term lightly. but i am not trying to impress anyone here. no pressure to be 'spiritual'. just me simply telling you that God knows your heart and has your back. yeah, He knows the depths of my soul. and talk about a word in due season. and God HIMSELF spoke it to me. not my pastor or evangalist or prophet. just me and the Man. or Son of Man i should say.
i encourage every one to find a way to do this. take a day off from LIFE. you won't be sorry.

2005-10-18T15:49:00.000-07:00

DEATH BECOMES HER

of all the occupations i could pursue with my cosmotology license, i think i have stumbled across the funniest. corpses. yep, the dead. think about it, every time you go to a funeral you always hear people say how peaceful they look and how 'they' did such a nice 'job' on them. BOLOGNY!! they usually look nothing like they did while they were alive, aside from the fact that their lips and eyes are sewn shut. i have been to enough funerals to know this for a fact.
i am quite good at changing someone's looks with hairstyles and makeup. i'm telling ya , i could make a killing. (no pun intended) as a matter of fact,they would look so good that people would say "she looks twenty years younger!" ,"her hair looks better than it ever did, you know she couldn't never do it right...." , "she should have been going to that girl while she was still alive." i would have the prettiest corpses around.
i could have my own show on tlc - "what not to wear to your own funeral". how about - " live eye for the dead guy"? or perhaps - "decomposing housewives". maybe even - "this old shroud". ha! i love it! "while you were out being embalmed" , "trading spaces-from the cradle to the grave" , o.k. i'm getting a bit cheesy. but you have to see the humor.
and the perks can't be beat. your client will never complain, you don't have to listen to mindless chatter about grandkids or stupid boyfriends, and when you are done you will never have to see them again.
ahhhh....life would be good!

2005-10-14T20:04:00.000-07:00

NAME THAT TUNE

metaphores, old expressions, sayings, proverbs. there are alot of ways to communicate. i love using these things to say what i think. and i have quite a repetoire of them that i use on a regular basis. a few of my favorites:
if it ain't broke, don't fix it
he/she is a couple sandwhiches short of a picnic
you reap what you sow
the hamster is dead, but the wheel is still spinning
nothing tastes as good as being thin feels
drive it like ya stole it
what really cracks me up is hearing other people using phrases that are all messed up. like today i heard " i wasn't talking to you. i was talking to her. so 'c' your way out of this conversation." o.k. i had to interject at this point. i mean come on!, if you are going to smart off to someone ,try to do it with some intelligence. it reminds me of bif from back to the future, "why don't you make like a tree and buzz off." i mean really, 'better to have people think you are a fool, than to open your mouth and prove it'.
as i sit here trying to come up with a witty ending, a phrase that could sum up my life, i keep hearing in my head , " if the shoe fits, buy it." i guess that means i just gotta be me!! :)

2005-10-12T19:33:00.000-07:00

THE ENCYCLOPEDIA ORNDORFF

i have just added yet another piece of semi-useless information into my rolodex of a brain. some one at school was talking about neuticals. i had never heard this term before. apparantly this dog got neutered and had used neuticals inserted. yes that's right, not only is there a market for prosthetic dog testicals, but also USED prosthetic dog testicals. who knew?!
i was so intrigued by the word in and of itself, that i decided to see how many times i could use that word that day. would you believe 17 times? it just rolls off the tongue. say it with me....neuticals......neuticals. wow. i love the english language.
the best part of all was when i googled it today. these things come in three different options, that as far as i could tell were firm, medium, and ultra-plus. ultra-plus..hhmmmmmm....i wonder if those are like the cadillac model. fully loaded with all the extra bells and whistles. luxury pom-poms, if you know what i mean.
i have given up thinking that i have seen it all......

2005-10-10T18:42:00.000-07:00

GUESS WHO

i love it when you run into someone from your high school days. i usually don't but my other friends do then they tell me about it. i love to hear what ever happened to so and so, who married who, how many kids they have, and the all important question.....what do they look like now. i love seeing beauty queens who snubbed me in high school and they look ten years older than me and a great deal frumpier. i love seeing guys that all the girls thought were so hot and now they look like homer simpson. i didn't go to my ten year reunion, but if they have a fifteen year one i think i'll go. since i never manage to see people otherwise i might as well go to see them there.
i love to hear " guess who i saw?" :)

2005-10-09T18:13:00.000-07:00

LATE NIGHT WITH LARRY ORNDORFF

one of my favorite times of the day is in the evening when the kids go to bed. larry and i usually unwind, talk about things and watch t.v.. some of the best stuff is on late at night. cool documentaries, history, weird new shows, classic eighties movies. and let's not forget the cooking shows! late night comedy( when it's clean). i love watching t.v. with larry. it's almost interactive.
i have to say i feel like i got the better end of the deal in this marriage. larry is just so cool and neat. not orderly. i mean intersting. he always has something rolling around in his brain. he can talk intelligently about almost anything. and his sense of humor is unbelievable. and in my opinion...he is SO HOT!!!! yeah i think my husband is hot. and i feel sorry for all the other girls in the world cause i got the best. everyone else will have to settle for what's left.
and this guy would give you the shirt off his back. if i ask him to go to the store at 10:30 p.m. for a snickers, he would say " regular or king size?" priceless!!! i tell ya, he is so awesome.
he will probably be embarrassed when he reads this. but i just gotta give him some props. he is the love of my life and i just felt like sharing my joy.

2005-10-06T18:26:00.000-07:00

OVERKILL

i wish i had a fuuny little story to tell. but nothing very funny has happened to me in a while. i feel burned out right now. i have so many things going on in my mind. too many decisions, too much pressure, too much work. i just want to stop the world for about a month. but then i have this thing that if i mess up my routine, i struggle to get back to normalcy. and i want to do too many things right now. i want to finish school, i want to read books, i want to watch movies, i want to study the bible in depth, i want to learn russian, i want to spend hours and hours with my kids, i want to run away with my husband, i want to shop, i want to save money, i want this rediculously long sentence to end. i only have 24 hours in a day. it's not enough.
i think more than anything i just want chocolate!!! dieting sucks! man i just want a hershey bar the size of manhatten right now. with almonds. if i could just have that, all my cares could drift away on fluffy marshmallow clouds. i could sail on a peanut in a sea of caramel to an island of cotton candy and live happily ever after. yes, that would fix everything.......

2005-09-30T19:36:00.000-07:00

BLOG VS BLOG

i think my blog addiction is getting worse. every senario i see each day makes me go " hhmm... can i use this in my blog.... a reference maybe...?" and sometimes i just sit in front of my blog, compose box open and empty, crickets cricketing in the background, drool dripping off the left side of my chin. THINK, JENNIFER THINK!!!!! i feel a need to out do my last entry....to out do EVERYBODIES last entry(especially neil's because he is the greatest of all bloggers.i am humbled every time i see him in my comments.i can't believe he actually READS my blog!!). sick, i know. this isn't a competition! it is a place of solace. a friend to the friendless. a sanctuary!!
and yet, here i sit. trying to compose the funniest blog ever written in the history of geeks. wracking my poor brain for every ounce of humor i can possibly squeeze out. ending every conversation with larry with " don't use that for your blog. i want it for mine..." i know , i know....i need someone to put me in the prayer basket at church.
.......help.......

2005-09-29T17:14:00.000-07:00

CURSES!!!FOILED AGAIN!

another day driving to school behind some old man whom i think was driving miss daisy. he actually slowed to 35 in a 50 zone and when i tried to pass, he sped up. #$*^%!!!!&!!!!!!!
(imagine me having fits and hitting myself in the head)
oh the rage!!so much to express and not enough 'fancy' language to do it. how do i convey my feelings while keeping my christain walk intact? well, while blog surfing i stumbled upon the answer. wow!!! it's like christain turret's syndrome!!! i feel like a kid in a candy shop. i think i'll add some time onto my daily devotion time to memorize a few of these choice words. pretty soon i'll be a walking curse-o-gram. i'll be a curse-slinging old testament cowboy. i'll be the cussing-est cuss ever!!!! YEE HAW!!!

2005-09-29T15:33:00.000-07:00

HOW DO YOU DO?.. WITH A SIDE OF FLEGM

i saw the worst greeting at school today. we are supposed to greet the client by name and smile, and say our name, blah ,blah, blah. this is what i heard today...

"are you pam?"
"yes"
"snnnnnffffffgggggggg........(insert big nasty flegmy snort here)"
"come with me"

yes that was officially the worst.(here's where i make a sick puking face...)

2005-09-24T20:18:00.000-07:00

ADOCD

during a ladies night out i discovered the truth about myself. we were actually razzing another women about her habits, but in my head i was seeing the light. i was what they said she was.
anyone who knows me well knows i am nicknamed 'ocd'. that's obsessive-compulsive disorder. i earned this prestigious title by vacuuming my floor twice a day, because i like the lines the vacuum leaves. and keeping my house very clean. and being excrutiatingly detail oriented. none of which i see as being a problem.
the other thing i do is just zone out in the middle of a conversation. i just block you completely out. i'm sure my eyes must glaze over when i do this. but you must understand, i have people talking to me ALL the time.i wake up and larry starts on me. then the kids wake up. then the inlaws, who are staying with us until spring. then i go to school with about 35 other WOMEN. that right there is enough to drive anyone to the looney bin.but wait, there's more.i also work with teenage nonstop yappers.
so the only time i'm not being bombarded with noise is while i am asleep. and even then i live a whole other life at night. my dreams are so detailed, in color, and vivid. so i guess there's no escape there either. i actually dreamt about a conversation where someone asked if i was still mad at them and i said, "no, but for awhile i kinda hoped you would die."
so i do the zoning thing out of self defense. i am actually saving my brain energy for more important stuff. it's like i start listening and my brain says, " whoa! this is stressing me out. quick! think trivial thoughts about ice cream and ponies!!" it is a survival mechanism finely honed by years of marriage to a man who likes to wake me in the middle of the night (6:00 a.m.) to ask where some stupid thing is in the house. or wait till i wake and at 8 ask me to brainstorm with him about how to make the youth group more productive and exciting.
to the naked untrained eye, this looks like a standard case of add. attention deficit disorder. but it really isn't.
but you put the both of them together and you get adocd. attention deficit obsessive compulsive disorder. it's like i want to do some compulsive thing that i can't stop myself from doing but i forget halfway through or just lose interest. they kind of almost cancel each other out, like diet soda and a candy bar.
so there you have it. the answer to all the questions about my inner workings that you have ever wanted to ask. and i know just what you are all thinking........ponies, ponies, ponies........

2005-09-23T15:33:00.000-07:00

I CAN'T DRIVE 55

this isn't going to be my best stuff. it is actually just a complaint. i will complain on here because there is no one else to hear my feeble cries.
i HATE driving through enon! it is the only way i can get to school right now. the highway is closed going out of town that way. and so i have to leave 45 minutes early to get to school. " why, that sounds excessive , jennifer." you're darn skippy!! it should only take 30 minutes, tops. but for some reason the geezer patrol is out in full force. in a 50 mph zone i'm lucky to get up to 45. and in town it is worse. oh yeah baby 20 in a 35. is there some pact to drive extra SLOWLY through that section that i don't know about? this doesn't happen once in a while. it's everyday. i yell and spit and foam at the mouth by the time i make it to school.so i leave earlier and earlier. but it gets worse each day. soon i'll be leaving an hour early. for a 30 minute drive. what will happen when snow comes?i shudder.
so to all you people who drive that way each day, this post is for you. it is for you grandma blue hair who brakes at every leaf scurrying across the road. it's for you grandpa no-butt who comes to a full stop when making a right hand turn. it's for you construction worker joe who sips your coffee and drives 15 miles under the speed limit to be able to stare at the cornfields. and it's for me .so in the immortal words of some person i can't remember, but who will never be forgotten ... " drive it like ya stole it!!!"

2005-09-16T18:51:00.000-07:00

FOOD PATCH

i have another good idea. maybe i should be looking at patenting this stuff. so don't use any of the ideas presented here.i'll sue you.
i love to eat. i eat even when i'm not hungry. i eat when i'm upset. i eat when i'm bored.i eat when i'm happy. i have the appetite of a male teenage wrestler.and i eat like i am in basic training forever. head down, spoon in constant motion. i eat with both hands. i wish i weren't like this. i wish i was like those people who could care less about eating. i wish i could be like, " oh , yeah, i haven't eaten all day. i better have some fruit..." no. i'm a gluttonous pig. who has an odd prejedious against fat people. we'll touch on that subject another time.
i'm an equal opportunity eater. i like meat and potatoes, and i like sweets. i CRAVE spicy food. i like hot wings more than most guys. i can give you a complete critique of all the hot wings served in springfield. and i make the best by far!!
so i was thinking i might be addicted. i don't think i could quit on my own. so here's the million dollar ticket right here(back off neil..) - The Food Patch. yes ,that's right folks ,the food patch. just as the nicotine patch helps smokers quit ,mine will be of help to food addicts everywhere. it will work pretty much the same way. it will gradually reduce the amount until you are weened off. you start off with, say ,thanksgiving dinner, golden corral buffet, and dinner at grandma's. you'll move into the next phase of church picnic, wedding reception, and family potluck. there are only two more phases. the third phase would be birthday dinner at texas roadhouse,youth staff meeting, tastefully simple home party. the final stage would be poverty, dumpster diving and communion.
yes i've got it all figured out. the only problem i forsee would be that i would mess up half way through the program and o.d., and larry would find me passed out on the couch with 22 patches attached to my body , asleep from all the triptophan from the thanksgiving turkey and a really bad case of gas.

2005-09-14T18:40:00.000-07:00

WHO'S THE BOSS?

we had to take a personality test at school today. i've already taken a few of these in my lifetime. they have various ways of dividing people into groups, but invariably they all say the same thing about me. this particular test was divided into color groups. red, yellow, blue, green. they had the color, then personality traits listed under the color. you just put a check beside all that apply to you from each color catagory. then which ever color had the most checks was your color.let's see.... decisive?-check. independent-check. tends to be dominant-check. competitive-check. strong willed, wants immediate results, causes action, likes power and authority....CHECK. i marked just about everything in that catagory. geez! the way they put it all together like that makes it sound bad. i'm not bad. i'm just blue.
i'm a risk taker, a pionneer, goal-oriented, a leader. i'm not just some told-you-so,queen, boss-of-the-world. someone has to take charge and get things done.so the other question was what pushes my buttons? boy that's an easy one........LAZINESS!!!!!
nothing gets under my skin like lazy people. i believe it is a plague. like the locust. like lice. it is generational and it is infectious. they say that necessity is the mother of invention. in another time this was true, but no longer. today it is laziness.fast food with a drive through window. fat burning pills - lose weight while you sleep. anything your heart desires can be ordered online, then delivered to your door. the worst? that would have to be t.v. now don't get me wrong, i love t.v. but like anything else ,moderation is the key. how sad that our society is replacing so many aspects of our lives with t.v. our children watch about 25 hours per week, as opposed to the 25 minutes we spend on quality time with them. t.v. is the new babysitter. our new friends,our entertainment, some times our only 'church', our escape and the way we unwind. gone are the days of eating dinner at the table catching up with our children. why do that when we can catch up with the latest plot on some 'reality' show? eeeeeerrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!! get up off that couch!
i'm not telling you what to do, though. i'm not being bossy. i'm just being blue.

2005-09-13T19:24:00.000-07:00

VACATION AT WAL-MART

i have this quirk, o.k. so i have a few. i like to go shopping late at night. by myself. it's like my time away from everything. my escape. even if all i get is milk. the store is usually pretty empty. and i'm not being rushed by children or spouse. i can find peace in the produce aisle. i've heard the expression 'stop to smell the roses'. for me it's more like 'stop to check the clearance rack'. laws , yes, m-o-o-n that spells relaxation at wal-mart.

2005-09-10T17:21:00.000-07:00

CAN I GET A WITNESS?

there, i made my own title. it may be hill-jack , but it's mine. i want to put my two cents in about the whole new orleans disaster. i am sick of hearing the blame game. it happened. life isn't fair. quit expecting the government to fix every thing in your life. accept the fact that life can be rough and stop whining about every little inconvenience. yes i know this is more than that, but the point is...... the sooner you realize that every one in america is NOT owed a perfect life the sooner you'll be able to accept responsibility for your own welfare. heck, i just saved tons of money on therapy for thousands of people. let me recap that....ahem..... YOU ARE NOT OWED A PERFCET LIFE. there i'm done , and it didn't cost anything.
so do i have any humor for the post today? of course! i am thinking of checking myself into a rehab for blogger junkies. i have progressively gotten worse about this whole thing. it started out innocently enough. i would add an entry every couple of days. occasionally read other people's blogs. the next thing you know , my eyes are shrunken into red little raisens from hitting the next blog button for three hours while checking favorite blogs every couple of hours to see if there is anything new. even a comment will do. pathetic! i even caught myself thinking " you know, some body ought to publish the bible as a blog....yeah... they could post a chapter or two a day , the buddy links could be the gospels like matthew , mark, luke , and john.....hmmm....they could have pictures that flicker of jesus on the job with people....yeah...."
ok i know , i need professional help. i've been hearing that from larry for 15 years. hey as far as i see it , he needs the help, after all - he married me!

2005-09-09T16:04:00.000-07:00

i don't like my template anymore. i used to be satisfied with it. although plain and simple, it worked just fine. but then i began seeing other people's templates (opt). wow! they get to title their lunacy. they have multiple pictures that constantly flicker into my subconcience. they have trackbacks and other features that i have no clue about. but man are they perdy!!!! i'm thinking of trading in my template for a younger , more buff template. sure , my template may feel rejected for awhile. but after a few months and astronomical therapy bills, it will come to the realization that this was for the best.
the one i find most interesting right now is j. scott's. he recently swapped templates himself. and i must say , he got a good trade. the art work reminds me of the telescope-style kaliedascopes of my youth. if you looked at it from the wrong end there is just this jumble of pretty crap. that is what his art looks like to me, a jumble of pretty crap. but , i bet it looks great from his end........

2005-09-07T13:45:00.000-07:00

evil has entered my home by way of telephone. jeremiah called me today and began to tell me about his latest fix, oatmeal cookie dough ice cream from b&j. it sounded so appealing that i went out and got some. it was bliss!! cinnamon ice cream. only the finest spice EVER, i mean, wars have been fought over this stuff! chunks of oatmeal cookie dough, will wonders never cease? and chocolatey bits of goodness, i'm drooling on myself just thinking about it...
ambrosia of the gods!! how have i lived my whole life without this?! every other thought of food has been replaced with thoughts of pints and spoons dancing in my head. it is like the crack of the icecream world. the pint is only half gone and i'm already thinking of where i can get the money for more. i'll soon be reduced to knocking old ladies over the head for their pension checks to fund my habit.
oh wretched woman with abnormal monthly cravings that i am.............

2005-09-05T11:42:00.000-07:00

i can't explain it but i feel a change. i feel something different. it feels like hope. it feels like encouragement. it feels like a peace i haven't felt in a while. i have had a dream a few times. in this dream i suddenly remember that i have another home. it is fully furnished, quite beautiful, and so peaceful. i have a dog there. i'm not a big animal person so that part is a little strange. but i go there and think " why did i ever leave?"
this dream represents my shelter in God. i have a place where i can be that is safe and warm. and i always wake up saying WOW. i feel that emotion today with no explanation......confusing but nice!
life is good, but Jesus is better!

2005-09-01T20:30:00.000-07:00

larry FINALLY updated his blog! i was almost ready to call a few of my mafia connections....or at least send an e-hate mail.
not to be outdone, i would like to share an idea that has been brewing in my mind for awhile. i am kind of an entrepenuer at heart. i get these great ideas for inventions or businesses. so i shared one the other night with a few members of my family. you see i firmly believe in discipline. and although it IS legal to spank your children, most parents today are using alternate methods. enter "the portable corner". this nifty little contraption will solve all your discipline needs while you are away from home. it would be two pieces of plywood connected to each other with hinges. a small leather strap at the top would serve as a carrying handle. the way this baby works is as follows....
you are at a family outing at, say , a park. junior isn't minding.what do you do? portable corner" to the rescue. just unfold and stand junior in the "corner". no need to pack up and head home. no more delayed punishments. you now have swift, decisive action at your disposal.
well i have to say, my family saw the beauty in it immediately. they began to help me develope the "better mousetrap". " how about a deluxe model complete with fold out chair and timer?" "we could decorate it to perfectly immitate the decor in their own home." " why not a brass name plaque?" and my afvorite...."how about 'mini corner' for in the car? it would be just large enough to cover the face, complete with a strap to wrap around the head to keep it in place."
GENIUS!!!!! i can envision the commercial now......(dreamy noises).......a happy family stands gazing out over the grand canyon, the camera pans back to show one of the kids standing there wearing a mini corner(of course also 'gazing')....
......(tear in my eye)......ahhhh....this is what makes my life grand....the ability to dream the american dream.

2005-08-31T19:34:00.000-07:00

post number 2 for today.
ok those of you that survived the angry room will be glad to know i'm over it. i can't remember ever being so angry as a christain at people in general. but judging by the way it poured out of me ,it has been building. can you guess what i'll be praying about here shortly?!
so we just had a meeting with our staff. it was as fun as ever. amid all the hullabaloo we actually(i use that word alot....)got a few things accomplished.
i have been enjoying my students blogs today. i have been working my way through larry's links starting with our close friends and staff. hmmmm.....now i'll find out what they really think about me!!! no such luck. not even an honorable mention.
and i have decided to keep my posts a little shorter.so here's to life , love , and the pursuit of "next blog"ing!!!

2005-08-31T05:17:00.000-07:00

ok i gotta post twice today because i wanted to post some real upbeat stuff that was rattling around in my head last night.but this morning while visiting my favorite bloggers i saw a rant in the making.
the whole disaster in new orleans has been unbelievable! i have been watching the news constantly. so another person blogged that she has been watching as well. and then she made this comment about looters and christains. whoa!! what did i miss? have they been showing a mob of priests pillaging tiffany's on cnn? or perhaps a photo of a known pastor helping himself to a few baubles from the local diamond shop? who are these mysterious looters/christains?
i know that here in america we don't know what real persecution is. no one is going to drag me and my family out of church and shoot us. but come on!!!!! i have to listen to every disgusting conversation imaginable every where i go and most people don't blink. they show nudity and sexual intercourse on movies and rate it pg-13. you can march through town proclaming about your sexuality and dare anyone to dispute you. even in my son's grade school they eliminated the words christmas break and replaced them with winter break, but halloween is still highly promoted-even to the point that they sent home a letter saying absence from school that day will NOT be excused if you do it because of your religeous beliefs!!!!!! but, mention the name of JESUS and boy talk about a powder keg!! don't you dare infringe on other people's rights. but as a christain yours are worthless. take those ten commandments off the walls, but smile and nod as they promote children's books about witchcraft and wizardry(which by the way are a RELIGION). but don't take your bible to school. or wear a t-shirt that mentions JESUS, profanity and sexual connotations are ok,though. let's also go ahead and distribute condoms to our children but not bibles. they might accidentally develope morals! instead let's treat their std's,counsel them to accept abortion,homosexuality,and tolerance and that we all have our own right and wrong. and in the same breathe say "you can't wear that cross necklace . it offends me!" PLEASE!!!
occasionally, i need to rant! i am scrutinized so closely so often.i hear so often"don't judge me!!!!!" and yet they point the finger at me. "your supposed to be a christain,why did you get mad and say that? you are a hypocrite." i would like to strike that word from the english language! it's ok for them to....what is the word for pointing out all my faults ....oh,yeah...JUDGE me.
ok now in the spirit of fairness let me apologize for a few things. i'm sorry for all the mean christains who didn't reach out in love. i'm sorry for all the short tempered christains who were rude in public. i'm very sorry about the sunday crowd who are demanding and then don't tip. i'm sorry for all the zealots who blow up abortion clinics in the name of God. i'm sorry for the christains who were rude when you DID come to church. i'm sorry for my own short comings,my temper, my impatience, my stubborness, lack of compassion, rebelliousness, lack of understanding, stinginess, conceit, lack of discipline, empathy, and just plain ol' selfishness. i'm sorry. i want to represent my Lord better than i do. because HE is kind, patient, loving, forgiving, slow to anger, compassionate, caring, delights in doing us good and not harm, has a plan for our lives, and understands us better than we understand ourselves. and my favorite of all....He loves us IN SPITE OF ourselves. and there is nothing we can do to make Him love us less. i wish this were the way we treated each other...........

2005-08-29T20:15:00.000-07:00

i'm usually a pretty lighthearted person, but it seems as if all my entries so far haven't reflected that. i can normally come up with some good one liners. or at least a funny take on daily life. i don't feel as carefree lately. or maybe this blog just gives me a place to process things that i keep to myself.
my uncle passed away friday morning. i had been over to visit him on several occasions. i wish i had gone more.especially when he was not as far gone. the veiwing was today,the funeral's tomorrow.
there is no promise of tomorrow. he could easily have outlived me. but that is the way it played out for him. and mine remains to be seen. to be continued, you might say. i had a visitor on one of my entries who asked alot of questions. after i thought about it a bit, i responded. my faith is about as simple as it gets. i. trust. God. no persuasion can change my mind. i don't care about other people's hang ups about where the dinosaurs went, if the earth was created in 7 days , or if adam and eve had belly buttons. i know what i was before i knew Him. and i know what i am now. there is no arguement strong enough to persuade me otherwise. that change is undeniable, irrefutable, unbelievable. so did i name my blog correctly? you bet!!
i had a chance to talk briefly with my pastor at the viewing about healing and such. it was a wonderful conversation. and it was weird seeing him stand next to and talk with my earthly father. there have been times that i wanted to call him dad. he is my spiritual father and i hold him in the same esteem as i do my own father.
i love my dad. he is so cool to hang out with. i enjoy all our talks. i am closer to him since my mother's death. and it is a shame we weren't as close all along. but when mom passed he needed to talk to some one and i was there. it is the one good thing that came from her death. the silver lining in the clouds.
i enjoyed seeing all of my family though. and i know william would have felt the same way. i saw people there that i had no clue were associated with my family. i even saw shawn,my husband's friend. i looked and said "what are you doing here?" he said "i am related by marriage." wow, i had no idea. larry walks around and sees him and said the same thing i did, with the same weird look on his face. shawn said"oh, i saw your car outside and decided to stop." you just never know who could show up. as weird as this sounds i began to wonder who would show up to mine. would people say how did you know her,are you related, she looks so peaceful.......hmmmmm....
i hope there would be mourning.you know good ol' fasioned weeping and knashing of teeth. that kind of stuff. not to be cruel,but i hope i'd be missed. i'd hate to think anyone would say "man! i thought she'd never die!!"hahahaha well, i guess i'm feeling a little like my usual self. so i'd like to leave you with a recent phone conversation i had with my dad
dad- yeah, i worked with a guy down at the shop. and one day he wasn't feeling well so he left work early to go see the doctor.
me- had he been feeling bad before that day?
dad- he said he felt like he had the flue all week.
me- hhmmmmm....
dad- so he went to his doctor and they told him he had cancer.
me- wow.....
dad- he went straight home from the doctor's office and shot himself. i guess he figured he was gonna die anyway, so why go through the pain and suffering.
me- that's awful!!!!!!
dad- yeah i would have at least gotten a second opinion......

2005-08-18T15:42:00.000-07:00

i had a hard time sleeping last night. i haven't blogged as often as i would like because i am going through a really draining season in my life right now. my uncle was diagnosed with liver cancer two weeks ago. it is melanoma that had spread from a small spot on his back that had been removed. now there is no cure. unless God interveines he will die within a matter of months. and that is being generous. so i have been visiting him. what do you say to a man who knows he is near his end? alot. i started by weeping (i had planned NOT to do this). i then told him i still trust God no matter what. i know he is worried about that issue and has discussed it with his wife and daughters. he is young. he just turned 49. he still has a daughter in high school. so he still has a lot to live for. but he is prepared to go. i told him what a profound influence he has been on larry and my life. he was one of the people who played a role in our salvation. he said to me,"who would have guessed that one day your husband would baptize my grandchild?!" he had just watched a video of it the day before. and it was a touching moment to be sure. little hannah just decided one sunday morning that she wanted be baptized. so larry picked her up and held her on his hip,prayed and dipped her under. all of four years old ,she was so precious.i don't cry much outside the presence of my Lord but i cried then.
this whole scene of visiting my uncle is so familiar to me. as of tomorrow it will be 8 years since my mother passed away. she died of als. better known as lou garrig's disease. it is a strange illness. and it is uncurable. she lived 13 months from the time they diagnosed her. steven hawking one of the most brilliant minds of this century has this disease. it is horrible. you lose control of your muscles. when my mother found out she elected to have a trach put in so she could breathe with a ventilator. but she lost her ability to speak. i had to learn to read lips real fast. it still serves me well today. but my youngest brother was going into high school. i was only 23.she was only 42. oddly enough , her brother had died of this same disease just four years earlier. it is not thought to be hereditary. normally.
so my dad has been talking alot about mom lately. this is his brother. so i have been trying to be there for him as well. what about me? well i believe God has equipped me to comfort others even when i am affected as well. we have the Holy Spirit ,which is the comforter, living inside all of us(who have died to live)but i seem to do well in this area. and i am often teased by my church peers and personal staff because i scored a ZERO in compassion on my gifting tests.haha
in all this i have been pondering our time. we all have a number of days. none know exactly how many. being this close to a death again i wonder if i am living my life to the fullest. when i go what will people remember about me? will they think of me as a good friend? will they say i was kind? generous? that i touched people's lives? or will they think" whatever....". i was asked to speak one time on a sunday morning. in front of the whole congregation. and i spoke about our individual roles in the church as a whole. i said we each have a job to do. we shouldn't think someone else's job was more important than ours or the other way around. we each are uniquely suited to what God has called us to do. and at the end of our life what will our tombstone say? i gave examples like,"no one was as big a gossip as her", "you should see what he can do on a skateboard", "he had a nicer car than all his friends", "she looked great in a bathing suite". but none of the things that most of us worry about are important. a legacy will last longer than a title.
what is my legacy? my relationships. my family. my friends. my youth group. my peers. they should know about love having known me. that is what i think is most important to me. i lose focus of this from time to time. but it is these parts of life , or death i should say, that help me refocus. i have a goal and i hope to keep my eyes fixed on that as i run the course...........

2005-08-17T16:24:00.000-07:00

there are always things i could post about,but since i talk too much as it is, i really try to be choosy about my subjects. but something happened today that made me go hmm.....
there is this girl's blog that i read every couple of days. i even have her saved on my list of favorites. we are pretty different. she seems to be a non-christain, she loves her cats, she is very interested in politics, she is in college(i don't consider my schooling college) and she is unmarried with no children. but i enjoy seeing things through other people's eyes. it gives you a point of view ,maybe, previously un-thought of. and her blog is so honest and real.
anyway, she has tons of comments and i read those too. she had some anonymous comments that were a bit mean.and she answers almost all her commentors. she has made reference to deleting some comments from her posts. so i'm assuming this is what broke the camels back(that proverbial straw). so i log on today and there is this horrible new blog site dedicated to her "stalker". it is so horrible it was a shock to me to read.not at all her personality. and i went ahead and left a comment on it that i was sad to see it and hoped she would delete it. it is hard to convey emotion online.the facial expression and tone of voice are missing. but i hope i did it well.
i don't know if she has established a new site or what. but this all makes me think. a blog is a public place to write your private thoughts. it is an oxymoron. an enigma. on the one hand it is your diary so to speak. and it is also open forum to everyone else. so knowing this should we post personal stuff . or should we keep it light. we are like a performer on a stage. and there will always be critics.but i don't think anyone has the right to abuse someone else, either. so you see the delimma?
i have wondered at the wisdom of doing this myself. i don't use people's names but they would know i was speaking of them if they read it. and how bad would i feel if some one came on my site and bashed me? but then ,again, it is public. so i guess i should expect it from time to time.
no one reads my blog as far as i know ,except s.- so i guess i'm pretty safe.....???
just a weird thing to ponder..........

2005-08-05T05:35:00.000-07:00

it's good to be back in school. when you're used to being around 30 plus people a day it can seem lonely to dwindle down to four. i have enjoyed talking to all my buds there- j., t., r., a., even t., and j., weren't so bad.don't want to use names...it would be rude. altough after the first couple hours, i was tired of j. moping around me. i don't think i'll miss that when they are gone. there is something really draining about a person who constantly walks around saying things like "i'm bored,i'm tired, why are you doing that?" it's like talking to a 10 year old also.
there is one person missing and i haven't seen her since i've been back. the school won't give me any info i'm sure. so i'll just have to wait and see. and there is another who is gone and i am so happy about that. she was such a pain in my side. she always had a dirty look for me. and i had never done anything to her. so good riddance!!!
the new dress code is up and running somewhat. i need to buy a few things for my wardrobe. but a part of me wonders why our instructors aren't using a dress code. if we as a school are trying to look more professional why are they running around in sandals and casual clothes of every color?? i know it's just rebellion that makes me think that...
so what deep emotional thing am i thinking about right now? well there are a few.....i'll choose one out of three right now.
so j. did something at school yesterday that just offended me to no end it was just so vulgar. and then tried to talk to me again about something else really nasty. and i told j. that i wasn't happy to be talking about the subjects they were bringing up. j. said i was being moody. well here's the thing. i feel like where did j. get off saying those kinds of thing to me? i thought we had an understanding that i am not going to listen to stuff that is vulgar. i feel responsible. somewhere along the way i must have let things slide to where i no longer behaved as if i was a woman of god. i feel like a heel. apparantly there is nothing separating me from the rest of them , at least in j.'s eyes. not that i need special princess treatment but i want to not have people share all their dirty stories with me. i want them to not even think about telling me stuff like that. so i am thinking of what to do about it..............
so this one ends on kind of a sad note. but the next one will be much happier!!!!!!

2005-08-01T10:54:00.000-07:00

larry is back and i am whole again. when we are apart for a length of time, i tend to develope different parts of my personality. it is kind of weird. a new me. or maybe just a half me. we truly are one complete unit. he has strengths in areas where i have weaknesses, and i have strengths where he has weaknesses. we function like a machine. a simple machine to be sure. i would liken us to a lever i think. he is like the arm and i am like the fulcrum. he lifts others up and i help him to be able to do that by being the point he can lean upon to gain leverage. yes i think it works quite well.
i have had a bee in my bonnet these past few days. i am an avid student of human interaction. the way we behave socially, body language, different personalities, and most fascinating to me...character.
this said,i have been giving a lot of thought to....how do i sum this up?....healthy discussion aka arguing. i believe it is very healthy to disagree. even an argument is good. but where do you stop? do you stop once you've stated your case? or do you continue until the other person agrees? what about the whole right or wrong issue? does it matter?
as one example i'll use my marriage. first and formost i'll start by saying this is the most important person on earth to me. i value his opinion and approval above all others. this should be the case in every marriage but since that isn't the concenus view, i felt it necessary to state.
now in 13 years of marriage i have learned a bit about disagreements. and we still have them from time to time. with all of them the first thing i would ask myself is how important is this? on a scale of one to ten, one being what do we want to drink with our value meals and ten being do we want to continue our marriage. we have already established from day one that ten is never going to be a subject open to discussion. we know that unless one of us dies, we will be married for life. so once i decide how important it is , i think of options. if it has a low score...say four or less...i just automatically agree to disagree. no big deal. there is nothing to be gained from trying to convince larry of the merits of driving down plum street as opposed to taking the limestone over pass to get home. this is especiaaly true if he is driving!!!;) if it has a high score, like should we have two children or three. that is something we would need to discuss over a long period of time. i have to ask myself, am i just being hormonal? what brought this subject up? is this an outside influence, such as something i saw in a movie or had a discussion with a friend about? is this really something i've thought out? prayed about? how strong of a stance am i willing to take on this issue?
then there are those times when you really get emotional. because deep in your heart you just know you are right. what then? it becomes a matter of who's right. and when that happens it can get nasty. how far do you go when this is the case? do you argue the other one down until they admit being wrong and they feel like crap. and you are proven right, but at what expense? you have this sick kind of triumph. now you've torn the other person down...but do you have the answer to the problem? sometimes there is no answer you can provide. sometimes it is something God is working out. and now it becomes a case of interferance.
so you see...i think that there are times when you have to look at the biggest picture you can. and when this is the case you just need to go to God. complain to Him and let Him deal with it. and also let it GO. you've spoken your piece,and God doesn't need to be reminded.
easier said than done , you say. i agree. no need to argue about that..........

2005-07-27T20:17:00.000-07:00

so i guess i was right in assuming evenings would be better for blogging. i had a most interesting experience this evening. i had just brewed a cup of coffee and sat down to an episode of 'everybody loves raymond' when i felt really strongly to go to walmart. now this wasn't a thundering voice from heaven, nor was it a strong feeling like 'oh God is telling me to do this'. it was more like a wild i want to go to walmart RIGHT NOW. so i asked pam to watch eve, picked up my cup of coffee and walked out the door. i needed some foot files to do some pedicures later this week so when i walked in that's where i headed. i looked at the shelf for maybe 15 seconds and i hear this voice behind me say"can i ask you something?" well this woman wanted to ask about what color of mascara i thought would look good on her. and i answered her question(God knows so well when he decided what talents to give us:) she looked like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. i asked if she was o.k.. and she proceeded to just pour her heart out to me. i tell you what ,God just poured wisdom out of me to her that was amazing. i stood there listening and offering bits of scripture(advice)for an hour. it was so fulfilling to be used like that. and i needed it also.she finally asked what my husband does for a living(i told her he travels) and i told her. she didn't blink. she told me i was well suited to the job of pastoring and being a hairdresser because i was a great listener.hahahaha!!!!! what a compliment. it tickled me something wicked!after we had worked our way through all her cares and had moved on to face creams i asked her if she felt better. she said she did and thanked me for listening. i knew she was the reason i was there. come to find out she worked there. and two nights ago i had wanted to go. but tonight i went. if i had delayed even 5 minutes i would have missed her ,as mascara was her only purchase. she had just gotten off work and was headed home.
how many times have we felt the urge to do things and delayed or not done it at all? i wonder why i know to just go with what i feel on the inside and don't. i know by now that it is the leading of the holy spirit.i know what is how God speaks to me,that and dreams. so why rebel? i think i just allow the world to clutter it out. the cares and concerns of this life clang and clamor. and the voice of the Lord is the still small whisper. while i am feeling great about this encounter, i also feel a bit sad thinking about the times i didn't listen. what did i miss? who did it in my place? God will always have His way,whether i do it or someone else does it. in His graceful way ,He will offer other opportunities,but still....
i am looking forward to larry's return. it is only 3 days away. i miss my best friend.

2005-07-26T09:21:00.000-07:00

i have been listening to larry tell me i need a blog . i need to be in touch with the rest of our crowd about our inner feelings. o.k. so my question has always been"how do i start when i'm in the middle of my life?" just start writing seemed too lame an answer. but i have done just that.
so i won't bore anybody with a back ground. i suppose everything will eventually be found out in the course of this journal. and probably the only people who will read this are peolpe who already know me or no one at all. it would all be the same to me.
my day really hasn't even begun yet so i'm already thinking i made a mistake.i think i should blog at night. it is a rare day that i don't hear or see something that piques my interest,even if it is just to laugh at it. since it is only about 9:30 a.m. i have only read my devotional, heard a pretty funny joke on the radio, eaten a bowl of grapenuts and read the news online. none of which i feel like elaborating on.
i suppose i'll share from yesterday. i actuaaly thought that larry was posting on a xanga. so i started a xanga file. i had to pick a header, a background thingy(don't worry about me talk tech,i only know two languages-english and smack),and choose a picture. the hardest was the picture. now considering i work in the beauty industry you would think this wasn't an issue for me. but it was an agony. i both love and hate my looks. i like all the unique things about myself. i like my freckles alot. i like my crooked fingernails. i like the little white spot on my front tooth.no one else has that.it is uniquely me. and yet i do not like vanity. i wanted to choose a picture that looked like me but didn't seem as if i was trying to impress or seduce someone. have you ever noticed that even on christain music covers the singers have that look?i hate that ! what does your sensuality have to do with glorifying God? other than with your spouse. i don't want anyone to think of me in that light other than larry. sure i'm affectionate with him in public,but that is as far as it goes. that part of me is for his eyes only. for me to behave in a sexual manner in front of or ,even worse,for some one else is like stealing. it would be stealing what belongs to my husband only.
so after my rant... i choose one of only a very few pictures i have of myself .i found it in larry's file.it was from our anniversary weekend together in june of this year. it looked like me. but then here is where it gets a little humorous.i asked one of our students online what larry's file was called so i could read some of his entries.well he doesn't maintain a xanga. he blogs. so i went to that sight.i love seeing a different side of his male psyche. the entry on the different sound effects his weaponry makes was some thing i had never considered.it was deep.hahaaha! and then i sarted reading his comments. and here is where i found the humor. every picture being used was a side shot .like they were trying to hide their faces and at the same time look good.i had to laugh.the sideways long glance must work for everyone.and they were a little distorted also.hmmmm.....that is either a reflection of how they view themselves or they are trying to hide or look trendy. either way it is not original. but there is nothing new under the sun.....
looking back on this entry to edit any mistakes i relize it is long and detailed.i hope this is only because it is my first entry and not because i am long winded. it actually is probably simply because my better half is halfway across the world from me. i feel like a sloppy joes without the bread................